On the first day of Christmas, my lawyer gave to me…
One consultation and a four hundred dollar fee.
On the second day of Christmas, my lawyer gave to me…
Two lawyer letters and an eight hundred dollar fee.
On the third day of Christmas, my lawyer gave to me…
Three scary phone calls and a two thousand dollar fee.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my lawyer gave to me…
Four mean emails and a FIVE THOUSAND?! dollar fee.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my lawyer gave to me…
Five sidelong glances and a lukewarm cup of tea.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my lawyer gave to me…
Six weeks to pay him. (Or he’d have to break up with me.)
On the seventh day of Christmas, my lawyer gave to me…
Seven lies I’d told him (that were quite problematic, you see).
On the eighth day of Christmas, my lawyer gave to me…
Eight days to pay him…for his services, dammit, aren’t free!!!!
On the ninth day of Christmas, my lawyer gave to me…
Nine crispy insults and a hole in my Civic ’03.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my lawyer gave to me…
Ten sucker punches and a murder guarantee.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my lawyer gave to me…
Eleven texts from jail…and his successful guilty plea!
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my lawyer gave to me…
Twelve weeks probation, now I don’t know where he might—
